Another year ..

Change is good ?

A lot has happened in the past eight months since this blog was last updated. Where do I begin ?
Joys and sorrows have been a part of it all.  From weddings to deaths.. from health issues to financial crisis.. from Bangalore to Delhi... from feeling of content to that of suffocation ... from high wave of optimism to the dark dungeons of depression... from anger to laughter.. from moments enjoyed to moments regretted.

There has been everything. They say that change is good and that it would be beneficial in the long run. I want to believe them who say so. When there is a feeling that there is no one to talk to, does writing help. Let me give it a shot I say.

While one may scorn at the things that are not under our control or was destined to happen, one has to take positives out of the things that did bring in a smile into our lives. The one big thing that did happen during these months was the growing up of our daughter. I regret to not have spent as much time as I would want to in seeing her grow up. Even though we do follow the things on the social media and with the aid of technology, we do

On the professional front, there is the whole looking towards doing something more meaningful in life. Maybe this is what some call the midlife crisis. Education seems to be a calling and I enjoy doing it, but still very hesitant on making the complete transition to it. I need to write a couple of books. But that is taxing and time consuming. Entrepreneurship is exciting, but risky business. Amongst all of this, one keeps wondering where and when will one find the time to do things that one is passionate about. Photography? Graphic Design? Remember that once you wanted to become a filmmaker. Did you just mention Social entrepreneurship ? Where is that thing going with the Trust one started? Impact education ? What impact ? How do you measure it ? Can you become a thought leader without doing projects that have driven change? In what capacity ?

As you can see one could go on and on the path of being negative of things all around.. but one has to find a way to get out of that negative thinking.  What should be the driving force? What is the essence ? What is the purpose of life? Why is one not doing any meaningful work ?

One can lecture others on the benefits of taking the plunge, but scared to do it oneself. What's holding one back ? The home loan ? the growing daughter ? or a desire to do a whole lot of 'things' for pleasure. What is there that is not there.. happiness and satisfaction. The critical goal therefore currently should be to ensure how one gets that.

Exposure to different avenues of driving change and networking with different people is good. When do you know that the initiative you are a part of no longer benefits from your association or you fail to see yourself being a part of it in the long run ?  Things are tempting in the first place, especially the low hanging fruits.

Time is precious. I am going onto 34 in a few months time. Soon questions from people will start to haunt more. People would ask whether there is something that you can be truly proud of having done. What will I say I wonder? 

When we run around too many things..

Over the past few days, I have been in a sort of a confused state of mind, owing to the work pressure and the stress related to it. It went to its nadir, when I ended up getting sick and extreme fatigue set in. I collapsed at the Patna Airport and got to know I was suffering from high blood pressure. Panic creeps in. This is NOT the life that I had envisioned or wanted!

Suddenly, the feeling of burnout. The feeling of just wanting to shut down everything. Post that day, I took a few steps backwards to understand why I was doing what I was doing, and whether it is right or not. I realise that I am running after too many things, primarily in the work area. There is perhaps the desire to get that extra money, to be able pay off the home loans, or plan for the future. I was not like that. I used to travel for pleasure. I used to socialise a lot (not on FB, Social Media, but in person. I enjoyed simple things in life.

Something must have triggered that change. I was never the guy who ran after money. So what is it ? Is it fear? Insecurity ? What am I fearful about ? What makes me Insecure? Is it impatience? Is it the notion that I have too less time and so many more things to do.

I think the next few months would be spent in trying to analyse the situation and rectify all that all wrong.
I stumbled upon the beautiful song sung by Mukesh Kumar with amazing lyrics and music.  Every word in the song fits in perfectly with the



What amazing lyrics too.
कई बार यूँ भी देखा हैं 
ये जो मन की सीमा रेखा हैं, मन तोड़ने लगता हैं
अनजानी प्यास के पीछे , अनजानी आस के पीछे, मन दौड़ने लगता हैं

राहों में, राहों में, जीवन की राहों में
जो खिले हैं फूल, फूल मुस्कुरा के
कौन सा फूल चुरा के, रखूँ मन में सज़ा के

जानू ना, जानू ना, उलझन ये जानू ना
सुलझाऊ कैसे कुछ समझ ना पाऊं
किस को मीत बनाऊ, किस की प्रीत भुलाऊं

Different person

A couple of days ago, my office colleagues mentioned that over the past month or so I appear to be a different person. I wondered why?
It came as a surprise, since I feel that I have been the same, but they refused to believe so. They claimed that I was more friendly and happier in office.

So today morning, I reflected back to think whether that was true or not. I thought of the things I have been doing differently in the past month and whether that could be a reason. If it is then I definitely need to continue doing so.

I started working out regularly. This is not to get muscular or participate in any competitions, but just to remain healthy. The feeling of being drenched in sweat and aching legs up the stairs gives an immense satisfaction. The mind is refreshed considerably.

I reduced my sugar intake drastically! They say that excess sugar in your body makes you feel lethargic and irritated. I put this to test, and feel that it is kind of true. I have a sweet tooth and the sight of the Indian sweets would make me go weak. Resisting that temptation is tougher than I thought it would be.

I started talking to my daughter, even though she just makes some sound when she listens me on the phone. At just 4 months now, I know she perhaps does not understand a word of what I say, but I still do it.  I am hearing her grow up and cannot wait to see her soon.

I took upon this task of finishing off things and trying to procrastinate less. This is perhaps the biggest change I am trying to do, in order to finish things and not leave it pending. It helps me bring back the focus.

This focus is also allowing me to concentrate on tasks that really matter and put the others on lower priority.

All of this is perhaps due to that one book called "The One Thing" that I am reading currently. The last time a book had such a lasting impact on me was "The Secret" and that was a few years back. 

Focus.. the Key..

These are challenging times, I must say..
With too much going on all around, the one thing that is missing is the focus.
It is important to get it back.

I notice that it has been impacting me in my work.
There is the constant fear of failure.. do not know since when it started bothering me.
May be it is the family pressure? Or the fact that I have a larger family now?

This needs to change.

#Notes2Self 

Cause I'm Happy

The rage all over! :) 

Crossroads

There are times in one's life when you have to stand up and take account of the situation around you, and the crossroads at which you are in. 

I am at one such junction in my life currently. 

Broke, but still hopeful of the tides to change and get the means to survival.  

Tired, but still energetic of the work ahead and the belief that the work will be loved. 

Anxious, but still happy as one awaits the arrival of the kid.

Excited, but yet calm with the upcoming Jagriti Yatra, as an opportunity to awaken one from within.

With all the good wishes around, one knows that things will change and that too for the good. 

Crossroads like these make you realise the value of focusing and knowing how to put things on priority.