I have a feeling....

For a lot of reasons 2010 seems to be a year of the most learnings!

That everything will be well.

This is post #200 on this blog. I know its nothing really a milestone, but still, small joys in life.

How do you improve your concentration?

When I started doing photography and interacting on Flickr, I did it for hours. The same applied to when I used to blog and write more regularly. The same was when I watched movies on laptop. I would watch a movie un-interrupted. I would read a good number of pages in a book before I let it down.  These things seem like a thing of the way past. So I have been looking into this phenomenon for the past couple of days, and realize that I have been short on my concentration level.

I do not recall the last time I saw a movie on the laptop and finished it in one go. I do not remember the last time I read 100 pages of a book in one sitting. I hardly spend time doing photography and it's editing. 

All the above activities used to have me so involved in them that I used to be totally immersed in that experience. And since that is not happening for the past few months, I am having an issue with that. It is been bugging me and leading to a lot of internal conflict.

I do realize that this phenomenon that I am going through is because of the zillion other things that I am involved in. Well one of the easy way of getting out of this situation could be not do those things. But as far as I know myself, I am not going to stop all of them. But I do realize that I need to prioritize. 

I tried asking a few friends on why this is happening, and why inspite of knowing the problem I am unable to find a solution to it.

Many say you owe it to the startup lifestyle, the fact that the mind is always pre-occupied with some thought or the other in relation to the business. You are always constantly at the back of the mind trying to make connections, the business ones to be precise. The personal life has taken a back seat and you are too engrossed in the promotion, sales, and what not for the business. Ok. Point taken.

Some say that you need to find ways to get your concentration level back. And that I am the only person who can find an answer to that. I agree. One of the things that came out of these discussion is that I need to write more and write about things that are going on in the mind. I do realize that I want to write. And write to the extent that I want to publish a few books. But that requires a lot of concentration, and I am making the small start towards that.

I have also been avoiding coming online much and I have been trying to go out and meet people in person to help me away from the system. I will be soon getting more back into the habit of reading more.

I would love to hear from you on what you do to improve your concentration.

The other side of Bangalore

Today I had the opportunity of visiting three engineering colleges in relation to my sister's admissions there. Two of these colleges are located totally out of the city, in Yelahanka to be precise. I got to explore the other side of Bangalore, the villages that surround it and the farms that lie along the way.

While coming back from the Sir M Visvesvaraya Instititute of Technology (MVIT) to the BMS Institute of Technology (BMSIT) , we (me and the cab driver) lost our way. I was not carrying the laptop, else I could have checked the maps there. We had to get to the colleges in time, as I was worried that the offices might close and I would not get the proper information.

We decided to ask a few people and got three different directions. One was a local person, one was a worker who was new to Bangalore, one was a policeman. We decided to follow the policeman's directions. However after a point of time we got lost again. This time we decided to just follow the road and whereever it took us. Our aim was to reach the Doddabollapur main road, that would then lead us to the BMSIT college.

At the end of the day, I feel glad we got lost and took that route. Had we not got lost, we would have not passed through the three villages, which reminded me of the villages back home. We would have not crossed the vineyards that always fascinate me. We would have not crossed the mango orchards, which continuously reminded me that at this time of the year if I am at home, I would be having mangoes for breakfast, lunch and dinner (yes you read that right ! ). We would have not crossed the farm houses, and I would have not remembered my dream of owning a farm house someday and that I need to work harder towards that goal.

The whole experience was so joyful that it did not matter that I was getting delayed to reach the college. Neither did it matter that the radio played Kannada song, of which I understood nothing. It did not matter that roads were not as good as the one that led to the airport, and that we had just left.

What only mattered was that I was enjoying the ride.

Sometimes, life just has these weird ways of making you realize the futility of worrying about things that are so silly and shows you the things that you really enjoy. And I was not carrying my camera either, so it was God's way of telling me that I just need to enjoy it. Period.

I finally did get to the colleges and got all the information that I wanted. 

What a crazy week that was!

Once in a while there are phases which are so low, that the only way to look at getting out of it is to believe that going up it is going to be from here on. 

The past week has perhaps been the most crazy week in my life so far. There have been multiple things going on in the personal as well as the professional field.

From moments of breach of trust, to people simply ignoring me, agony at the loss of a friend to moments of anxiety with admission blues for sister, to making a firm determination to not undercharge for my services. 

A few of these did lead to moments of depression, and in the middle of that there was hardly any moments to cheer up. However that is past. And one needs to bounce back.

Of all the things that the past week has taught me is its just all about - each one for one self.

So here's a cheer to good life, and good bye to the depressions :)

The most deadly ship...

I am sure most of us have heard this joke before.. that the most dangerous of ships has to be 'Friendship'. It is most misunderstood too, and very often taken for granted. And when such a situation arises, there are bound to be complications. And to make matters worse, when you are doing business in friendship, it screws up things further.

As a rule I try to avoid doing business with friends. I already do too much charity work through the NGOs that I am associated with, and if I have to work for a friend who is earning well and needs something for his/ her business, I would charge. It's as simple as that. My argument to that is, ok so you run a software company or have your regular job. So as a friend if I ask you to design and develop an entire software for me for free.. will you do it? No! So then, why expect me to do the photography and your design work for free?

Don't I put in an effort to the work? I know it why. You do not respect the work and the effort that goes in to that.  And it is for that very reason you will never be able to understand why a photographer or a designer charges so much for what they do. I am also not trying to tell you to try and understand it. So please do not get me wrong.

Having said that, unfortunately the sad part is that I might still go ahead and do it for free. I will tell you why. It's because I am an emotional person and I believe more in human connections than business connections. I know a lot of friends take advantage of this thing and I get caught in trying to help them out.  They play with you as pawns in a chess. "Kaam de do .. It they get something good, if not then also ok. Big deal.. He is a friend after all." This is what they may think, and that they can exploit the way they want it. Excuse me. I absolutely detest that.



As friend I know that there is a line to be drawn in this situation and both friends should understand this clearly. There should be no confusion in what's expected for the work at hand and why this is being done. I recently read a comment, where in a designer was asked a question, what is the best time for u to work. And she replied, that time is everytime I get paid. If things are being done for free for friends and family, i tend to not have the same commitment in the work.

Anyway business with friends is something totally different and not the essence of this post.

I am more concerned and worried about the relationships and the human values that I associate with friendship. Talking things out and explaining things the way they ought to be is the prime-essential factor. Work and renumeration for a work comes later. If you do not like the work, then tell it. As a friend I would understand. The nature of my job is such that the deliverables are subjective. What I design or photograph need not be liked by you and that is perfectly fine. I am willing to accept it. But not liking the deliverable does not give you a right / authority to question the ability of me. If you had a doubt, then why come to me in the first place? You were taking a chance, weren't you? Damn it! I should have known. But poor me, I again got caught in the emotional atyachaar.

The above might not be the best way business is done. But then I am not a businessman either. When I need to be professional, I do it and have my client testimonials to reaffirm that. Similarly, when I am dealing with friends, I have  a certain way of working.
 
These small incidents make me rethink of my decisions on trusting a friend after having experienced a similar situation before with the same person. It makes one look sad that the first time that I had forgiven the friend was a mistake. I feel disheartened.

I fail to go by business standards with friends. If I act professional, they have a problem with that, if I do not be professional they take advantage of me. Maybe because as friends I am trying to help them. I am connected with them on a personal level. Business takes a backseat there. I am not saying that this is the right way of doing it, its just the way I do it. Just the way I felt it.

If I felt bad about something and felt hurt, in all probability I would tell it out, as I think its pointless to just keep it at heart and sulk over it. I tried doing that and got fired back at instead. Had to bear a lot of harsh words, and when I replied back in acceptance with a smile, the friend had a problem with that too! Ridiculous!

I understand that the friend is a highly successful entrepreneur with a flourishing business and I always wish him the very best, and his way of working are fine for him. But that does not mean that I should follow suit. People are different, they have different ways of working. One needs to at-least acknowledge and appreciate that.

Taking joy in small accomplishments

I was having a discussion with a friend the other day, and he mentioned that he liked the fact that I sought for happines in the small pleasures in life.

Amongst the few things, that make up the list is sharing moments with children and people on the streets during my photography, having chai at a roadside tea stall, a quiet moment under the starlit night from atop a hill, traveling in the Indian Rail etc.

I also love surprises, and it was a pleasant surprise when I was featured in the May 22 issue of the Bangalore Citizen matters magazine as a Pick of the fortnight.

Small pleasures again, but totally worth living for it !
Cheers!

A year...

...of travel.
...of meeting new people.
...of experiencing life to its core.

Today is exactly one year since I got back to India after my studies in the US. I do not know whether I will be back there, but one thing is for sure. I have never missed it, as I have been so much more in love with India that I have not had the time for anything else.  

• I Traveled extensively Across India - Delhi, Brindavan, Gurgaon, Patna, Saharsa, Native Village, Kolkata, Pune, Ahmedabad, Mumbai, Indore, Bhopal, Chennai, Kochin, Bhagalpur, Baroda, Surat, Goa, Mangalore, Manipal, Surathkal, Hyderabad to name a few places that I was and experienced. This puts me back on track of covering the entire India before I turn 30 - a thing I had planned way back in 2005.
  
  Of other things here are the things I have done and experienced in this past one year. 
  
• Witnessed a bomb blast in front of my eyes.
• Felt the panic caused when a bird hit the plane.
• Met an astronaut at a conference and got awed by his stories on space. 
• Shared the stage with the man behind the Sixth Sense (Pranav Mistry), and wildlife documentary maker whom I admire.
• Spoke at TEDx BITS Goa and met some really wonderful people, who inspire me even today.
• Invited to colleges all across India for my photography and design workshops.
• Interacted with a lot of children for the child education project of mine. 
• Watched the god of cricket Sachin bat and play in front of my eyes in a stadium, not once but twice. 
• Taught photography as a visiting faculty in different colleges. 
• Got totally drunk (finally :P) and experienced what sleeping on the footpath feels like.
• Started my own companies Deskala and Happy Horizon Studios. 
• Shot at weddings and at different shows.
• Did a documentary shoot on a theme I had planned almost 2 years ago.
• Got closer to parents and immediate family. 
• Helped grandma paint her house, which had never been painted before and was almost 20 years since it was built. 
• Had a marriage arranged for and then later called off. 
• Met some amazing people like Director of ISRO, CEOs of companies, and got inspired by them. 
• Felt humbled when participants mentioned that the only thing they came to attend in a college festival from hundreds of kilometers, was my photography workshop. 
• Met a lot of friends from school days, after a gap of almost 10 years. 
• Almost had my friend's bike snatched from me in broad daylight.
• Traveled in Indian railways and had loads of chai on stations. 
• Realized what it means to be living your dream.
• Spread a lot of smiles.

I am glad that this one year has been very close to being as I had imagined it to be the day I left US. I can only be thankful for it and hope to continue doing the things I have loved doing.

Thank you God.