In the olden days, or rather the fairy tale days, the lives of the kings and queens were said to be in some of their pets. So like a king's life would be in a parrot, and if the pet died, the king also died. I remember as a kid, I always used to be fascinated with these stories. I also used to invariably feel sad at the death of the pet and the person whose life was dependent on it.
Of late I have been feeling this busy busy life. In one way I think that I am keeping myself busy to avoid thinking on issues that I do not want to spend time thinking. I find myself in a scenario where there are so many things that I have started and I feel like its draining me of all my energies. All the things seem to be important and I have started it because I had a keen interest in. As a result of this, I have been spending way too much time on my laptop.
A few friends have started to tease me on similar lines of the story of the kings and the pet. The pet in this scenario is my laptop. I feel something missing if I do not have it. I feel paralyzed if I am unable to check mails / connect with people / or chat with them.
And the funny part is that I know this is WRONG.
Getting on with being a freelancer just adds to the woes. There is always the desire to do more. There is always the eagerness to meet newer people in hopes of getting more projects. There is always a way to find an excuse or a reason to be on the laptop.
Before I left the US, a friend did warn me of the excessive burnout situation that I am landing myself into. I was aware of it but had felt that I would manage it. However I am not too sure if i am being able to do it.
I have to find a way out of this. I have to restate to myself that people's mail do NOT have to be replied in the matter of a few hours. I have to start understanding again that work has to be limited. I have to believe all over again that I have to strike a balance between the work and the personal life.
I have to find that balance. The balance between doing the things and people I love, and the things and people that help me pay my bills. Things that I am passionate about and things that are done out of necessity.
Hopefully things will change.
I hope soon.