18 June, 2010

Fear - from Life of Pi

I read this a few years back, and it has stuck to me ever since. Chapter 56.

I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. You become anxious. Reason comes to do battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. But, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread.

Fear next turns fully to your body, which is already aware that something terribly wrong is going on. Already your lungs have flown away like a bird and your guts have slithered away like a snake. Now your tongue drops dead like an opossum, while your jaw begins to gallop on the spot. Your ears go deaf. Your muscles begin to shiver as if they had malaria and your knees to shake as though they were dancing. Your heart strains too hard, while your sphincter relaxes too much. And so with the rest of your body. Every part of you, in the manner most suited to it, falls apart. Only your eyes work well. They always pay proper attention to fear.

Quickly you make rash decisions. You dismiss your last allies: hope and trust. There, you've defeated yourself. Fear, which is but an impression, has triumphed over you.

The matter is difficult to put into words. For fear, real fear, such as shakes you to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with your mortal end, nestles in your memory like a gangrene: it seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. So you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.

4 comments:

jyoti said...

in this magnificent world or supreme order ...there is nothing which is random, not even fear....it may seem random because we observe it from too close...and lose perspective of the bigger picture where fear is an aspect of a larger pattern.....

a pattern which comes perhaps from this life's conditioning...and mostly from past life patterns....we fear some things..not all.....these some depend on memories form the past.....the emotional and mental ''pain'' that comes from fear..is part of karma being worked out....you caused some one pain..related with the issue where you are currently feeling pain...and the fear is the karma manifesting.....

the mind knows where in the past you messed up and time to face the consequences is upon you...

so what do we do...not hide or run or fight the fear, because it has to manifest..now or later...the trick is to face it head on...jump into it....look at it in the eye ...seek forginess from the unknown person from your past that you hurt....it may just be yourself that you hurt...then with your fingers grab where ever in your body you identify the fear...and with full focus throw the fear energy in your hand into an imagined sun....

take a deep breath and see how you feel.....

have been doing extensive work with fear....would love to know if any one, in the future decides to addresse their emotional fears so ...with what result....

super long comment :P....but it has been the theme for today's healings at work...

Kshitiz Anand said...

:) Thanks Jyoti for the wonderful comment.

Jas B said...

I read this book about 8 years ago, I loved it although many that I know of did not quite like it for whatever reasons...
I should re-read it.

Jyoti, thanks! :)

Anonymous said...

Too much !