03 July, 2014

When we run around too many things..

Over the past few days, I have been in a sort of a confused state of mind, owing to the work pressure and the stress related to it. It went to its nadir, when I ended up getting sick and extreme fatigue set in. I collapsed at the Patna Airport and got to know I was suffering from high blood pressure. Panic creeps in. This is NOT the life that I had envisioned or wanted!

Suddenly, the feeling of burnout. The feeling of just wanting to shut down everything. Post that day, I took a few steps backwards to understand why I was doing what I was doing, and whether it is right or not. I realise that I am running after too many things, primarily in the work area. There is perhaps the desire to get that extra money, to be able pay off the home loans, or plan for the future. I was not like that. I used to travel for pleasure. I used to socialise a lot (not on FB, Social Media, but in person. I enjoyed simple things in life.

Something must have triggered that change. I was never the guy who ran after money. So what is it ? Is it fear? Insecurity ? What am I fearful about ? What makes me Insecure? Is it impatience? Is it the notion that I have too less time and so many more things to do.

I think the next few months would be spent in trying to analyse the situation and rectify all that all wrong.
I stumbled upon the beautiful song sung by Mukesh Kumar with amazing lyrics and music.  Every word in the song fits in perfectly with the

What amazing lyrics too.
कई बार यूँ भी देखा हैं 
ये जो मन की सीमा रेखा हैं, मन तोड़ने लगता हैं
अनजानी प्यास के पीछे , अनजानी आस के पीछे, मन दौड़ने लगता हैं

राहों में, राहों में, जीवन की राहों में
जो खिले हैं फूल, फूल मुस्कुरा के
कौन सा फूल चुरा के, रखूँ मन में सज़ा के

जानू ना, जानू ना, उलझन ये जानू ना
सुलझाऊ कैसे कुछ समझ ना पाऊं
किस को मीत बनाऊ, किस की प्रीत भुलाऊं

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